I saw you hang your head in shame. Instead of eyes bright and smile wide, all I could see was the top of your head. You just finished relaying an experience where you felt rejected, alone, misunderstood, ashamed, shunned....You don't want to go back there; like a puppy returning home licking her wounds after wandering too far from home, you are afraid to venture out again. Acceptance, value, inclusion and all that feels good eludes you almost everywhere you go.
Your head bent to the ground, eyes filling with tears, your skin and bones of a body shook as your story spilled out of a life gone terribly wrong in every way. Listening ears, a compassionate heart, a few suggestions for help was all I could offer. Day after day the same, until I had to say "no more".
Eyes darting here and there, you spoke of abuse, violence, betrayal, loss, despair. You were male, female, young, old. I saw you only once; I saw you often. I had known you for only 10 minutes, for 10 years or more. As you painted a picture for me that I would rather not see, I saw it all played out on the screen that is always moving across my mind. Inside I wept for you. Sometimes tears spill down my face, but always pain lodges deep within.
And then comes acceptance, healing, forgiveness, release, freedom, strength, peace and hope. My respect for you grows as I witness all you have to do to make life work. As I watch your eyes brighten, dark circles gradually fade, make-up color your face, a brush carefully styling your hair, clothes that fit and a countenance that looks up instead of down, I marvel at the strength, determination and perseverance you have mustered up with great effort to accomplish what for me are minor tasks I can take for granted. I thrill at the sight of transformation no matter how small.
You may eat too much or hardly at all, abuse alcohol or drugs, neglect your family, have spent time in prison, been too violent or too passive, homeless, immoral, lost. You are my neighbor, co-worker, family member, counselor, banker, doctor, waiter. You ring up my purchases at the store, change the oil in my car, clean my teeth, write the books I read and the music I listen to, serve me coffee and sit beside me on Sunday morning. You are my friend.
You are me.
The one I try to model my life after (emphasis on "try") says this: Regard prisoners as if you were in prison with them. Look on victims of abuse as if what happened to them had happened to you. Discover beauty in everyone. If you see your enemy hungry, go buy that person lunch, or if he's thirsty, get him a drink. Be good friends who love deeply. Make friends with nobodies. Help others with encouraging words; don't drag them down by finding fault. Love from the center of who you are.
Watching the deer, birds, cats and squirrels emerge from the brush, amble around the corner or steal cautiously down the tree into my backyard to graze, drink and nap always stills my soul and centers me to what's important in life. It is hard to stay off balance for long. If they aren't there when I rise in the morning, they appear while sitting at the breakfast table, can often be seen at lunchtime and again while eating dinner. For them, I am grateful.
Nature and broken humanity combine to create beauty.