Showing Up

     Her hair was mussed, mascara ran down her face, clothes sagged, head bent, she came to us crying out for help. We sprang into action while remaining reposed. Calls were made, arrangements secured, necessary conversations took place. We transferred her into good hands. Six days later, her voice reached us through the telephone lines bringing hope, deep sighs of satisfaction and goodness. That day also happened to be her birthday. Did she receive a gift better than any other? She certainly gave us one.
     When does life begin to take a curve down such a dark, scary, danger-around-every corner path that one can't ever find their way home from completely? As a baby new to the world, when trauma defines life, in an instant of horror, slowly from constant disappointment, after years of all the above? And how do I walk alongside one who already has many constant companions...fear, pain, rejection, sorrow and loneliness to name a few? I am outnumbered. My compassion, acceptance, listening ear and invitation into community for so many hours a day doesn't seem enough. The other voices drown out my own.
     Perhaps the answer lies in showing up. Day after day, year after year. I'm at least one constant in a sea of change. My tears mix with those that fall in sorrow, my laughter joins the chuckles of others, celebrating successes, mourning losses, empathizing with frustrations, attempting to dignify humanity. Does it make a difference? Will they remember?
     The sun is shining again after a slight rain followed the darkening skies and blowing wind. I could have missed it if I wasn't in the right place at the right time. A lesson there...of course. Busy bakers can be heard in the kitchen, photos on my desk remind me of three wonderful places in the world I've had the privilege of visiting as I glance their way. An email alets me to the news that I forgot to show up to call the birthday bingo game I volunteer for once a month. I will need to keep holding at bay the thoughts assaulting me, the pictures in my mind of everyone sitting in the room at the tables all ready with their cards looking forward to my arrival any minute. What an awful thought that I disappoint others too. A necessary ingredient to add to my wrestling through the disappointments of life that I had not remembered to include until just now. Great. New insights can be welcome guests or intruding strangers.
     Pieces of life strung together like so many twinkling lights hung from trees over a banqueting farm table set in simple elegance in the backyard. Always in need of untangling after a year in storage. Holding no beauty just lying in the box, only full of wonder when hung just right, plugged into the power source and surrounded by darkness. A puzzle unfinished, a tapestry half-woven, a painting waiting for color on its easel, a house or road under construction. Always in process, one finished and another begun, the cycle goes on unbroken.